Those Advice given by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - taking a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."